The Go To Person

Years and years she spent being the go-to person for organizing activities.  Or maybe she just thought she was the one to take care of things for the family.  But not really.  When the sister-in-law passed away she was asked by the family to get the 'stuff' organized.  That meant knowing how to handle the rituals of folks bringing food, thank you notes, food for the groups of relatives from out of state, etc.  

Thanksgiving was usually at her home for the extended family.  Aunts, uncles, and other extended family members that visited the area looked to her to organize a gathering.  Housing for visitors who wanted to stay in a home with air conditioning fell to her and her husband.   It was a job that she enjoyed doing for many years.  Even church events certain events would at times fall to her for organizing or coordinating.  It became her identity.

Then came the Fiftieth wedding anniversary party being given by the son.  Stepping up to work on the party herself, she selected the cake and paid for it.  Within a few days son called and asked her to dinner.  After dinner, they set visiting.  It became apparent there was more of an agenda than just having dinner together.  Son guided the conversation to the planning for the upcoming party.  He noted that they didn't mind my input on themes and things.  

Finally, the DIL turned and said, "Do you not trust me to plan a party for you?"

She sat in a sort of stunned silence.  Of course, she trusted Son and DIL to put the party together.  She told them she trusted them.  The purchase of the cake had been her way of helping with the planning.  She was in the area where the party would be held so she just thought it would be okay to pick out and order the cake.  That seemed to satisfy Son and DIL.   It did not satisfy her.  

Over the next few days, she looked into herself.  Had she not trusted them?  Did she have the need to be in charge, to be the go-to person?  After much thought, a realization came to her.  She did not have that need.  Being the one depended on by so many folks to plan and organize events for decades had made her just automatically assume she should be doing preparations.  That was no longer the case.  She just needed to pass the torch to the next generation.

That was five years ago.  It took a few more parties for her to let go of the leadership mentality.  To do the assigned jobs and clear any ideas with the person now in charge was now her role.  It took an open discussion and more openness in the following years.  During this time, she is pleased to sit in the back and let others use the reins.  She can find it challenging at times to get things together when it falls on her to get them organized.  Maybe she just needs to ask for help from the new go-to-person.

-----------------------------

Take care,

Janice

All I Did Was A Little Cleaning

Did more sorting and combining in the closet.  You are probably thinking this lady is just weird.  Well, duh!  I assume that is part of the reason you visit my blog, to see what the weird lady is doing.  It is like this.  Husband assembled the sewing table about a week ago.  Over the last few days I have been emptying boxes and plastic containers into the drawers in the sewing desk.  Any small plastic storage containers have been refilled with items that were in less durable containers.  The two actions of emptying and re-purposing of storage containers have opened up space in the bathroom closet shelves.

Room to spread out when sewing!  The ends fold in
and the extensions fold down.  18" X 18" floor space.

Anywho, besides the rearranging in the closet I did some cleaning of baseboards and doors.  Husband hung another shelf in the utility room while I was working on the apartment.  I did do vacuuming and mopping, too, cause the place was really needing it by now.  Had to stop for rests and cool downs. Seems as though yesterday's adventure in the wind and drizzle to watch Middle grandson play flag football has me coughing again today.  Small price to pay.

We are actually eating part of our meals at the breakfast counter instead of in our laps these days.  We both are doing our type of exercise on a regular basis.  This is a huge thing for both of us to be doing this almost every day.  Husband uses the treadmill and stationary bike. I do the stretching and pain management type of exercise.  Each passing day as we work to make our lifestyle and the loft apartment work together makes it feel more like where we belong.  Good thing as there is no other place for us and Husband is not moving!

With the arrival of 1099 forms we are now looking to see what else is needed for taxes.  And there are still Edna's to be dealt with this year from afar.  Or there may need to be a trip so Husband can talk face to face with the person who has handled this for decades.  Time will tell.  Hmmm.  Wonder if there would be a place to stay up there?  That is for another day.  For today all I did was a little cleaning.

Visited with my mom for a while.  She tries to cry several times during the visit over different things.  Mom has probably had a mild form of chronic depression most of my life.  (Yes, I probably brought it on. not.)  I have sort of made it my mission to help her look on a brighter side.  As she began commiserating about losing her possessions this summer, I told her of a devotion I recently read.  The scripture was about Jesus going to prepare a place for us.  As I read it I thought of Mom and how she misses her stuff.  In that moment I visualized what a magnificent room she would have in heaven.  I shared that thought with her today.  I could hear in her voice a slight joy at that thought.  Maybe I was able to do a little more than clean, maybe I helped my mom feel at least a fleeting moment of joy.

Organizaton Versus Attention Deficit

I am one of the more anal obsessive neat freaks in my circle of close friends.  I have friends that have no difficulty having stacks of magazines, envelopes, crafts and various items strewn about their homes.  I have other friends whose homes look like 'after' type pictures in magazines.  What this all means is I am not a happy camper living in what we are calling the box canyon.  Today did give me some relief.

Husband hung the do dad wire shelves in the bathroom storage closet.  In addition the device that holds all the broom, mop, etc is now, likewise, installed in the bathroom storage closet.  With those items in place additional items have now begun to migrate into a more permanent location.  As of this evening we have a functioning desk complete with chargers for all our toys and a printer!  Whoot!  It is amazing the effect of this work is a calmness when I look at the order.  And an added sense of direction for the next box to tackle.

Well, one would think I would have a direction.  Husband says I see rabbits and get distracted from a given task.  He is spot on in that observation.  Sitting here writing this blog after eating some yummy homemade by Husband soup I see two boxes, no three that could be unloaded into the recently available spaces.  Each goes to a different area.  I will have to be careful to not become involved in sorting more already unpacked items in one of the places to finish emptying a box I have started.  I think I just saw another rabbit.

The ability to complete the task of unpacking from this move is almost a formula.  The reduction of boxes is inversely proportional to the ability of rabbits to reproduce.  As a result of this problem of easily distracted unless extremely focused, I do now want to stop a task when I am making progress.  That interferes with Husband's preparations for tasks I had suggested we accomplish the previous evening.  This makes my patient, loving Husband want to step aside the next time I am falling off a ladder.  And no one would blame him.  After all it would be justified by having to live with a person with OCD and ADD.