The Go To Person

Years and years she spent being the go-to person for organizing activities.  Or maybe she just thought she was the one to take care of things for the family.  But not really.  When the sister-in-law passed away she was asked by the family to get the 'stuff' organized.  That meant knowing how to handle the rituals of folks bringing food, thank you notes, food for the groups of relatives from out of state, etc.  

Thanksgiving was usually at her home for the extended family.  Aunts, uncles, and other extended family members that visited the area looked to her to organize a gathering.  Housing for visitors who wanted to stay in a home with air conditioning fell to her and her husband.   It was a job that she enjoyed doing for many years.  Even church events certain events would at times fall to her for organizing or coordinating.  It became her identity.

Then came the Fiftieth wedding anniversary party being given by the son.  Stepping up to work on the party herself, she selected the cake and paid for it.  Within a few days son called and asked her to dinner.  After dinner, they set visiting.  It became apparent there was more of an agenda than just having dinner together.  Son guided the conversation to the planning for the upcoming party.  He noted that they didn't mind my input on themes and things.  

Finally, the DIL turned and said, "Do you not trust me to plan a party for you?"

She sat in a sort of stunned silence.  Of course, she trusted Son and DIL to put the party together.  She told them she trusted them.  The purchase of the cake had been her way of helping with the planning.  She was in the area where the party would be held so she just thought it would be okay to pick out and order the cake.  That seemed to satisfy Son and DIL.   It did not satisfy her.  

Over the next few days, she looked into herself.  Had she not trusted them?  Did she have the need to be in charge, to be the go-to person?  After much thought, a realization came to her.  She did not have that need.  Being the one depended on by so many folks to plan and organize events for decades had made her just automatically assume she should be doing preparations.  That was no longer the case.  She just needed to pass the torch to the next generation.

That was five years ago.  It took a few more parties for her to let go of the leadership mentality.  To do the assigned jobs and clear any ideas with the person now in charge was now her role.  It took an open discussion and more openness in the following years.  During this time, she is pleased to sit in the back and let others use the reins.  She can find it challenging at times to get things together when it falls on her to get them organized.  Maybe she just needs to ask for help from the new go-to-person.

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Take care,

Janice