Ashes to Ashes

Today Nephew #4 picked up his mom's ashes.  That is Sis #1 for me.  It crossed my mind about all the living, happy, sad, and dangerous, that she had lived.  All that energy that had been a part of my family's life.  Energy spent raising three children only to watch the oldest descend into alcoholism.  She was his home health person for at least 7 years of his life.  She was at his bedside, alone as she wanted it to be, as the life support was removed from his septic body.

Saying bye as we leave after our 1971 visit.
I am in a striped shirt.

She married young, 19 years old.  That marriage lasted 25 years but the alcohol curse that claimed her son's life had ended that first marriage.  Till her dying day she still loved the father of her children.  During the 25 years, they built a family.  Jack, #1 BIL, was a rising star in the world of a specific type of insurance, something planes, ships, and cargo.  Jack was promoted and transferred to Portland Oregon in 1969.  They purchased a home across the Columbia River in Vancouver, Washington.

The 3 years they lived there were probably the best years of their marriage.  A great group of neighbors.  One group's husband would go salmon fishing then smoke and can the salmon.    Sis #1 was always talented and with Joan G. she began tole painting.  She was wonderful at painting.  In 2018 when our Sister time was a trip to Oregon, Sis #1 spent the last 3 days of the trip with Walt and Joan.

Both Jack's parents and Sis #1 and my parents constantly begged them to move back.  Eventually, they could not stand all the tears and asked for a transfer back to Texas.  After that is when the drinking took over and the marriage began a descent.  By 1979, Sis #1 had moved out of the house.  A year later Jack filed for divorce.

Sis #1 would marry four more times.  She did not make good choices.  The first man pulled a gun on her.  She divorced him.  The next man turned out to have cancer that was in remission.  They lived in a home near a river.  Their home flooded one spring causing her to lose all her children's photos, etc.  A couple of years later Joe's cancer returned.  She cared for him until his death.  

The next relationship with a man, CW, was a casual arrangement.  They cohabitated never marrying.  CW was a good man.  He eventually left her his house and a warehouse that could be leased.  Before his death, Sis had found another man to marry.  That was marriage number 4.  JC seemed nice, taking care of her.  Later he became very possessive and would knock her around.  She finally got the courage to leave him only to have him shoot through the garage apartment where she moved.  Even threatened to run his truck into the garage supports and cause the place to collapse.  The police became involved.

Once Sis was out of that disaster, she worked for the Tarrant County transportation department.  Basically, she was in charge of the smaller buses used to transport the handicapped, elderly, and otherwise those in need of transportation.  She had to attend meetings at the state capitol, budget meetings, etc. At some point, the county changed services or transferred the services to private companies.  Sis rebounded by getting a job with a local newsgroup.  

Around 2004 Sis reconnected with Johnny, a friend from the early days back on the farm in Chambersville.  They began dating.  He lived near Wichita Falls, too far to drive home at night.  They spent several years together, even sharing the home that CW willed Sis.  Johnny was a former alcoholic and a heavy smoker.  He developed cancer.  Sis spent time caring for him until he moved to his daughter's home here in the Austin area.

While working with the transportation group, Sis became acquainted with a gentleman, Mr. Calhoun.  They worked together for several years.  He was married but then his wife became ill and passed away.  Sometime later he and Sis started dating and later married.  They remained married until he passed away in 2012.  

Sis began a new job in 2011.  She worked as a receptionist at Carter Blood Center.  Her Facebook posts were filled with people she met there.  Those posting saw her as a very special person.  Here is one picture and post sent during Sis's last weeks:

  "I remember this day so clearly 7 years ago (I kind of coveted that scarf) that smile can light up any room. You gave me my congrats on 4 gallons card and I cried. Thanks for being part of my miracle Maggie. We love you!"

Sis was a good grandmother and great-grandmother.  I could write my opinion but I'll let her youngest grandson have the last words.  

"It’s sad to say but I lost someone who meant the world to me. We both helped each other through the death of my dad but now I have no clue which direction to go. She was a woman who loved unconditionally and always spoke her mind. She cared for me as if I was her son but I wasn’t her responsibility. She guided me through a darkness and showed me the light, and I never paid her back in full. There are a million ways to cope but none of them are effective when you lose a diamond. Margaret, and it feels weird saying that instead of Memaw, you gave the world so much and expected nothing in return. I’ve never heard a negative thing spoken about you, as it should be. You loved everyone as they were and I can’t express the amount of grief and turmoil that lingers from your passing. But I know I need to be strong, like you always were. I know it’s lame to say but this isn’t goodbye but rather I’ll see you later because I know in my heart we’ll see each other again. I hope you’re having the time of your life up there with my dad. I love you Memaw."

Sis #1 loved people, flowers, sunrises, sunsets, family, casinos, banana ice cream, banana pudding, and having fun.  Now all of that energy is condensed to ashes in an urn.  RIP Sis #1.

Y'all stay safe and as cool as possible.

Janice